During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, “How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?”
“Well,” he said, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand,” I said. “A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.”
At A Loss For Words
There was a knock on the door this past Sunday morning.
“Hello sir, I’m a Jehovah’s Witness.”
So I said “Come in and sit down.”
I offered him a fresh cup of coffee and asked “What do you want to talk about?”
He said, “Beats the shit out of me, I’ve never gotten this far before.”
Hung Chow calls into work and says, ” Hey, I no come to work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come to work.”
The boss says, ‘ You know something, Hung, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that o.k. Hung’!
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. “I do what you say and I feel great! I be at work soon……You got nice house”!
The Polite Way To Pee
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
‘Michael, if you were on a date having dinner
With a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?’
Michael said, ‘Just a minute I have to go pee.’
The teacher responded by saying, ‘That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?’
Sherman said, ‘I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back’
‘That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?
‘I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.’
The teacher fainted.
If it’s not broke don’t fix it!
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the Station, when he noticed
a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and
a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighter’s helmet.
The wagon was being pulled by her dog and her cat.
The firefighter walked over to take a closer look.
‘That sure is a nice fire truck,’ the firefighter said with admiration.
‘Thanks,’ the girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer. The girl had
tied the wagon to her dog’s collar and to the cat’s testicles.
‘Little partner,’ the firefighter said, ‘I don’t want to tell you how to run your
rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat’s collar, I think you could go
The little girl replied thoughtfully, ‘You’re probably right, but
then I wouldn’t have a siren.’