There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.” “No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.” “I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”
A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue …Doctor: “What happened?”
Doctor: “I have a real good remedy for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don’t swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor.”
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
Woman: “Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished,and he didn’t touch me!”
Doctor: “You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?”
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for 10 shots of Chivas Regal all in a line on the bar.
Once set up the guy starts tossing the shots down, one right after the other until all ten are gone in quick succession.
The bartender is concerned and says, “Hey buddy you shouldn’t be drinking like that. You should slow down and take some time to finish your drinks”.
The guy says “If you had what I have you’d be drinking like that too”.
The bartender asks “Well just what is it that you have”?
The guy replies “A dollar”.