Archive | August 2011

August 22nd And What It Means

Summer Slips Away

What did you do this Summer? Did you go out?  For most of us here in the south and sort of west it was just simply to hot!

So what does August 22 mean? Nothing other then the fact that summer is almost gone. It’s time to get out if even for a day. We cant make a memory without this and some of our most fondest memory’s are from the outdoors. As difficult as things may seem we can still appreciate things as they are for the moment and just have that,.

A song that reminds me of this                     

Do something this summer. Please!

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Only A Farm Kid…

When you’re from the country, your perception is a little different…….

A Missouri farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor’s, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door

“Is your Dad home?”
“No sir, he isn’t; he went to town.”
“Well, is your Mother here?”
“No sir, she went to town with Dad.”
“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”
“No sir, He went with Mom and Dad.”                                                                                                                               
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
“Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message.”
“Well,” said the rancher uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It’s about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant.”‘

The boy thought for a moment. “You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don’t know how much he charges for Howard.”

After Hours At The Animatronic Hall Of President

Brawl of Presidents

From PolitiZoid

I find this stuff absolutely hilarious.

$20 Smakaroos

Another “Shut Your Mouth” Situation

On their wedding night, the young bride Approached her new husband and asked

for $20.00 for their first lovemaking Encounter. In his highly aroused state,
her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made Love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was
surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.

It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he’d be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he’d been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling  nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

 

She explained that for more than                                                                                            
three decades she had ‘charged’ him for sex,
these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments
worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out,
‘If I’d had any idea what you were doing,
I would have given you all my business!’

That’s when she shot him.

A Bud Light Drunk

Problem Solving

A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue …Doctor: “What happened?”

Woman: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me to a pulp.”   

Doctor: “I have a real good remedy for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don’t swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor.”

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: “Doctor, that was a brilliant idea. Every time my husband came home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished,and he didn’t touch me!”

Doctor: “You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?”

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