Archive | March 2011

Welfare Checked Out

Welfare Check

A guy walks into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, “Hi. You know…., I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really rather have a job.”

The social worker behind the counter said, “Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and body guard for his beautiful daughter. You’ll have to drive around in his 2010 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You’ll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20’s and has a rather strong sex drive.”

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, “You’re bullshittin’ me!”

The social worker said, “Yeah, well … You started it.”


Shelf Life

Best Used Before Expiration Date

Through the year’s I have learned to take care of things. For example, a  flat screen t.v. we bought. After every use I put a small blanket over it to keep the dust off. I do maintenance on my Trek bicycle  twice a year, and it’s ten years old with thousands of miles on it and although I’ve put new parts on it the bike still run’s like it’s brand new. Most recently I got a Xbox that I cover with a small towel (again to keep the dust out).

All of this seems to be a source of entrainment to friends and family, they get a laugh and call me “Monk” because I go out of my way to cover up and put things were they belong. But I can understand why.  Nearly every single one of us spend half our life’s doing a little less then taking care of ourselves or the things we own.  Right from the start as children we lose the pieces of  a game or lost a crayon and can’t explain why. When my kids were young I repeatedly warned them to take care of there Nintendo or there CD’s to no avail.

But I can most certainly look back and remember a lot of thing’s I did. There was nothing I owned that could not be replaced which included losing a home I once owned or the various vehicles that I broke numerous laws in. Tens of thousands of bad decisions including monumental partying;  as I roadie for lot’s of band’s in the 80’s   “beggin your pardon Charlie”  ya got nothing but Hollywood,  ” Losing”  leads a person to make better decisions as they get older. It’s the way of life and it’s difficult to teach children that. It’s just something we learn with time.

Nowadays I can’t get in a car without freeking out doing 20mph and thinking that a crash is eminent and my time is up and I certainly can’t afford ANYTHING so I try to take care of what I got. I probably should be eating better but some lessons are never learned but at least I see the light now. Tomorrow is my birthday and with all that is happening in the world and at my age; the  expiration  date has new meaning, but one of the best parts of life is learning from your mistakes and being able to say I wouldn’t change a thing.

© killpoke 2011

Sheenanigans

Charlies, Farley

As much as I’m done with Charlie, the anticipation of his demise haunts me.

%d bloggers like this: